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Inner Struggle-Anxiety and Depression

I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a minimum of at least 13 years. It has been a battle that has consumed me, defeated me for a moment and has taught me numerous things about myself. I don't take pride in the fact that I deal with this but I do not shy away from the fact either. Only because I know what I have gone through and with me sharing my experiences, I have been able to be a help and uplifting to those that share my struggle. Most days I am fine and feel fine and then sometimes, it just feels as though the floor fell out beneath you and everything above you is falling with you. Anxiety and Depression can come quickly with all I deal with and through the years I have learned how to deal with, come out of and overcome each struggle I have encountered.

It is not easy for my family to understand me and yes, there are times I cannot control how I feel and I may seem mean, unhappy or lazy. For those that do not believe anxiety and depression exists, its hard to explain how it is you really feel. My husband is one that has had a hard time understanding. This has been an argument that has come up on multiple levels but over the years, the more he sees what I go through, the more he learns and knows how to help. He will never fully understand and as much as we want them too, they aren't capable. Just as much as we couldn't comprehend what they may go through that we don't. But that never means that we can discount anything anyone is feeling.

I myself deal with it on a daily basis and its a struggle that I fail at sometimes. But I pride myself in making sure that I do not use it as a crutch. I know there may be some days that I just cant get it together but, throughout those days I will try to do any task, whether great or small, to make myself feel just a tiny bit better to keep from slipping further back in to my cave.

This is not something someone should be afraid of admitting to or realizing they have. This is not something that should separate who we are from anyone else in this world. This is something that I have to realize as a person, is part of my makeup and have to do what I need to do to make myself better. Very similar to dieting or working out to make yourself feel better. Ours is just something people do not see on the outside and cannot just be judged and forgotten with just a look or a comment.

Of all the explanations a person could offer, this is one that I have given to my husband and it has helped him understand just a tiny glimpse of what I may feel. I hope this is ok to share because it really touched me...

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